Living Right

Yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this Godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves…
2 Corinthians 7:9a, 10-11

It’s interesting that we don’t question and scrutinize what we do. It’s far easier to rationalize our actions, especially when their correctness is dubious and it’s more convenient not to do what’s right. So, we park on the wrong side of the street, or do a U-turn in a clearly marked no U-turn street. I’ve done this. I’ve even sped up in our neighborhood. What was I thinking, or why was I not thinking, all those times? This is my other lesson from having lost my phone. I had to cancel the phone plan on it and realized that since the plan wasn’t registered in my name, I couldn’t do it. The plan belonged to our friend who left Thailand in June. Instead of closing the plan, he passed it on to my husband who used it for awhile then passed it on to me. Nice. I began using the plan and didn’t think much of it. I paid the bill on it and no one said anything. It became an issue when I tried to close the plan because I had no authority to do so, just like I had no authority to use the plan in the first place! I would have saved myself the embarrassment of trying to explain the situation to the company had I thought about what I was doing first. Thank you, Papa God, that I lost that phone! I really do feel more honest now.

I also resolved to think more of what I do. I cannot be on “cruise control”. The other day, I rode my motorbike on major roads to get to a nearby restaurant. As I raised my hands to remove my helmet, I ended up touching my head. I had no helmet! I rode all the way there without even realizing I didn’t have one on! Am I the only one like this? Folks, let’s put our thinking caps on and keep them on. Our minds are there to be used at all times. It can’t be good when you’re completely clueless as to what you’re doing! Let’s live right, and think right.

And just to update on the phone, God is providing me with a new one through my friend in Korea who wants to give me one for Christmas. How appropriate that another friend will spend their Christmas there (in Korea) and can bring me the new phone back. I’ve also had the chance to look at what’s stored in my computer and realized that most of what I thought were lost (songs, pictures, etc.), weren’t! Because I’ve backed up the contents of my phone on my computer, I’ve only really lost a total of 2-3 weeks worth of stuff. Grace is receiving what you don’t deserve. It’s mercy. Papa God, I really do get it. I’m acknowledging this because the name of the friend leaving for Korea in a few days, the one bringing me the gift of a new phone in the new year, is Grace. I get it Lord, I am touched by all this, all that’s happened, and I thank you, and love you. I cannot help but love you.

I'd Rather Have You

In addition to what’s already been shared in last week’s posting, I’d like to add that at some point during the evening flight from Korea to Chiang Mai, I felt I really needed encouragement. I think it was just after Ju (the Chief Purser) told me that they received a call from the Korean grounds crew at the airport and the phone couldn’t be found. I remember talking to God and saying, “Lord, can you help me even as I’m way up here?” I just finished reading a book that told me to read Psalm 56 aloud, to encourage myself, so I set out to do it. I borrowed a Bible (tiny!) and stood right under the light for my seat and turned to it. The verses below spoke to me so I read it aloud at least three times (Note that I inadvertently turned to Psalm 36 instead of Psalm 56!):

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O Lord, you preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is your unfailing love!
Psalm 36:5-7

I was amazed that there I was, in a flying plane cruising at thousands of miles above the earth, literally in the skies, and the Lord spoke of His love and faithfulness that reaches to the heavens. What a God, how truly incomprehensible and priceless is His unfailing love! He knew where I was, what I needed, what would speak to me. Had I correctly turned to Psalm 56, it would have told me not to be afraid but to trust Him. Well, I wasn’t feeling fear and I do trust Him so those verses wouldn’t have done much for me. I just know that I had to make that mistake. In the dimness of the lighting in the plane, He turned me to the right verses.

Secondly, because the phone was a wedding anniversary gift (in February) from Eng, I was truly concerned about his reaction. He’s the type that when something gets lost (especially expensive ones!), he gets distressed (and all of us along with him!) and mad. It was one of my prayers that he would take my unfortunate news well. When I told him about it on Monday morning though, all he said was that he was sorry to hear it. Wow(!). Later at school, I cried as I realized the grace, what God had done for me. I chose to be grateful that I had that phone for as long as I did but I was also grieved for all that I lost (pictures, recorded songs and prayers, notes, etc.). I’m glad though that when I did cry, it was because of the Lord's kindness.

The next day, I went to Eng and told him that I was thankful that he wasn’t mad at me for losing the phone. It was then that he said the above, “I’d rather have you (than the phone)." That was the sweetest statement he’d said to me in a long time. =)

Lastly, my friend in Korea offered to buy me an iPhone to replace the one I lost. I don’t know that she actually will but when she wrote that, it really ministered to me. I knew that God was loving me and answering my prayers through her. I don’t deserve her offer, nor any of what’s happened (and all that I've learned as noted in last week's “Lost and Found” posting). For that and more, I’m really glad I lost the phone! That there is a crazy statement but an honestly TRUE one.

Oh, and just to satisfy your curiosity, I found out the next day that I turned to the wrong chapter in Psalms when I wanted to read the passage again. I rightly turned to Psalm 56 and was confused when the verses were missing. Only after investigating did I find out that the verses were in Psalm 36. God is just too good.

Lost and Found

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Cor 4:17-18

I unbelievably left or dropped my iPhone in the waiting area of Incheon International Airport in Korea. By the time I realized I didn’t have it on me, I asked to get off the plane so I can retrieve it but I was told that it was too late. I waited helplessly as the plane taxied off and flew us back here to Chiang Mai. During the flight, the Chief Purser Ko Bong Ju assisted me in going through all my belongings (in case the iPhone somehow made it). Alas, I was right and it was somewhere in the waiting area of Gate 19. I asked Ju if he could get the folks at the airport to search for the iPhone near the gate. He agreed and soon relayed the request to the grounds crew in Korea. I also asked Ju if he would believe there is a God if the iPhone was found. He said, “Maybe”. Halfway through our flight, he told me that it couldn’t be found. He said it was an expensive phone and someone probably took it. I realize the iPhone is expensive and people do steal but I believe even more that nothing is impossible with God. If He wants to, He can make the iPhone materialize. The only question is whether He wants to.

I learned a lot after being iPhone-less. I relied too much in it! Because it had the Bible on it, I read from 3 different books daily but as I took a real Bible to read from on Monday, I didn’t know what chapters I was in. I had everything bookmarked (and highlighted) and didn’t have to remember anything. I had all my appointments in it too so now, I don’t really remember what’s upcoming (time and details). It had all my notes; my Christmas list, who I want to see, what I want to buy, what I want to ask a friend. Where did my memory go? How and when did I allow it to be barely used? In the 9 months that I’ve had the iPhone, I’ve changed from a person who remembers to someone who can’t remember much! This is scary! How could I have allowed that to happen? Considering that my mother has Alzheimer's, remembering is something I should keep doing. I now picture myself in jail for my faith and without my iPhone, there isn’t much that I could encourage myself with!

In the last three days though, I found myself remembering more. I actually listen to my sons better when we part in the morning. They can no longer call me after school so we “listen” to one another well. I like it.

On Monday, I saw and acknowledged Grace (a teacher) three times. We don’t work near one another so I don’t typically see her. I now understand why I saw her three times then. Losing my iPhone is God’s grace to me. Yes, I had a nifty gadget but it didn’t have to do all my remembering for me. It shouldn’t have taken up so much of my time. In Korea, there was internet access anywhere we went so I was constantly on my email. Worst of all, I was proud of owning and using such a gadget. It’s no wonder that the Lord opposed me. I repent.

Whatever I deserve as outcome for my iPhone I don’t yet know, but I did grasp how I should use one. Yes, I did lose it, but I found answers. If I ever own one again, may the Lord be Lord in how I use it. God is able to restore what we lose but even if He doesn’t, He is still good and praiseworthy.

Lastly, I also receive that “God wants me to be a survivor and a “thriver”, not just to survive my catastrophe, but to thrive because of it.” (By Harold Ivan Smith) Amen.

Trusting Him in the Moonlight

Today, I had my usual morning walk. What’s unusual about it is that I’m in Dongtan, Suwon in South Korea. I’ll be here until Sunday afternoon courtesy of the school where I work. Because it’s my first early morning having only arrived the day before, I didn’t really know when the sun would typically rise. Breakfast was at 7 a.m. so I set out just a few minutes before 6 a.m. It was still dark. Yesterday afternoon, I enjoyed a walk in the woods with my roommate so I’d already decided to take the same route. While we walked, I asked her about her self-defense skills in case we were attacked in the secluded and wooded area. She said she didn’t have any training and I concurred that neither did I. But, in unison we both said bravely that God was all we had and needed. Our walk turned out to be an extremely enjoyable one. We were both amazed to be in Asia and yet feel the cool, crisp air. Pine trees and other trees with leaves that had autumn colors enthralled us. We kicked the fallen leaves and delighted in having them crackle under us as we walked. The black and white magpies (she said they were naughty) were noisy and beautiful. It was wonderful to be up and down that hill, the sunlight streaming through the leafless trees.

I’d imagined my morning walk to be a repeat of the one with my roommate except that I thought of the first morning rays of the sun greeting me on the way down the hill. While I didn’t really feel fear that someone would jump nor attack me, I did wonder about slipping and hurting myself. I could barely see the ground in the darkness. There were low lighted posts interspersed along the path but it was dark in between. At some point, when I started to go downhill and the path looked steep and precarious, I asked God if he could please turn on the light. Dusk is actually a fascinating experience for me each time I see one. I love watching the darkness slowly begin to lighten. It’s like watching a miracle each time. One moment it’s pitch dark, the next few moments later, there’s only brightness. Only this time, I didn’t feel like watching another miracle. I wanted some sunlight to guide my way. I wanted my usual orangey yellow rays streaking through the trees when I walked. I waited but I sensed Papa God say instead, “You can trust me in the moonlight.” And that was all it took to change my whole outlook. It was like I saw the full moon for the first time this morning. There it was, the moonbeam, hardly seen in between the bare branches of the trees but discernible all the same! Yes, I can trust Him, and I did! The rest of my walk back to the hotel was then uneventful, enjoyable, and much appreciated. I hope that as the Lord allows me to go through the rest of my life with new twists and turns, I will remember that I can trust Him in the moonlight, I can trust Him in those new situations, dark and unknown they may be. He will never fail me, nor you.

Sometimes in life, we respond to our circumstances innately, unconsciously, and unknowingly. Thankfully, Papa God untiringly, lovingly, and patiently reminds us how to respond.

News on the EEEEs

Evan turned 20 last Sunday (November 14) so we all gathered to sing and greet him. He was obviously amused as we each tried to converse with him while Ethan continually made faces at him. I should point out that the last time we all “Skyped” him together was on his birthday last year. We should do it more often, it's fun! If only it’s easier to nail him down (and us!) at the same time. He is now on his 3rd year in college, taking English as his major. He recently finished acting and singing as Linus in their college’s Charlie Brown musical. We all wished we could be there but alas, we couldn't! Apparently, he did very well. Way to go, Ev!

Last Saturday (November 13), Eric was accompanied by Eng to Bangkok to get his PET/CT scan. The results showed that he is doing well and cancer is no longer in his body. We praise the Lord for this! His hair has now grown too, even in the areas where he had his bald spots. When he was 4-6 months old, his hair stood up. His new hair is doing that now, too! Eric is now in his senior year and is currently looking for a college to go to. On a recent essay, he wrote: “Life is not just about the good things that happen to a person but also about the bad. Some of life’s greatest joys can come from sadness; the end of the best of your life makes way for more great days to come.” He should keep writing, yes? Great job, Eric!

Our 9th grader Eli had a lot going for him just a few weeks ago but due to wrong choices, he’d lost a lot of what he valued. It broke all our hearts to see him so distraught yesterday but he’d repented and is learning a lot from the experience. When told by a friend that his parents don’t want him to hang out with Eli anymore, Eli's response was, “I deserve that”. It’s so sad to hear that but it’s a humble response compared to the one he would have made weeks before. He’s in a hard place now but he is learning and is taking the right steps towards redeeming himself. We know God’s mercy will see him through a complete transformation. We are proud of you, Eli. Keep on!

Here we are trying to fit all our faces in the frame of the computer's camera while "Skyping" Evan. Clockwise, we are Eng, Linda, Ethan, Eric, and Eli.

Ethan is 9 years old and in fourth grade. He’s athletic, smart, and extremely likable. He seems to be processing everything by talking it through. And, it appears that for his oldest brother’s enjoyment, he’ll put on the faces just to get the laughs. You are very funny, Ethan. Please don’t grow up too fast! =)

Hearing God

Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing His plan to His servants the prophets.

Amos 3:7

I was prompted to write this because I’d like for us (including me) to hear God better. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could hear our Lord or understand Him more? He’s always speaking to us in myriads of ways! Yet, a typical answer when you ask a believer how he hears from God would be through the Bible, the preacher, or a friend. Yes, the Lord has spoken to me those ways too. It’s always touching and exciting when He reveals Himself to us even in familiar ways. But, could He speak in other ways?

I sat through a teaching this week-end at a women’s retreat (one of the great things about Chiang Mai!) and was bowled over by what I heard. She shared many things but the one that stood out to me was about her fascination and delight with flowers and how they seem to beckon to her. She added that the Lord spoke His love to her through them. I could only agree wholeheartedly. I have hundreds of pictures of flowers on my phone for the same reason. I feel like if I take their picture, I’m saying, “Yes, I hear you. I love you too and what you do.”

On Friday, I was on my way to chapel when I noticed that the water tower in the school property was overflowing with water. The water freely flowed from the top of this very TALL tower, cascading on all sides all the way to the ground. Hmm, what a strange and unusual sight! I wouldn’t have given that much thought but the message during chapel also showed an image similar to the previous one. It was of a beaker overflowing with water, again pouring out from all sides. What was that about, I wonder? Then later, I realized I left my sunglasses so I picked it up. As I donned it on, these thoughts followed:

• At the women's retreat, I will be filled to overflowing with the Lord’s blessings, His revelation, and His love. Later I wrote a friend and added that I just didn’t know which one He would fill me with. Now I wonder why I thought He would only fill me with one!
• I will see things in a new light, in new ways – just like seeing things differently when wearing sunglasses!
• I will change.

So now that the retreat is over, I can attest to the accuracy of what I heard. It just surprised me that not only was I filled with either blessings, revelation, or love, but all three of them combined! Amazing! Not only that, the speaker prayed for me and she said she saw a waterfall and would God please help me contain what He has for me? =)

Fascinating! The Lord is too fascinating. Now, if we could only free ourselves from all the distractions and the worries of this world. If only we could be still long enough to hear. Let’s incline our ears. “Speak Lord, your servants are listening.”

Seven to Go

That’s the number of months that we have left to live here before we head back to Toronto for a year long Home Assignment. I’ve been thinking about it because I know I contemplated “withdrawing” from relationships with friends and just busying myself with stuff that have to be done (they are aplenty!). Last night, we saw my friend, Susan (and her family), off at the airport. They were leaving for good. Susan and I have spent a great deal of time praying, sharing hearts, and singing/worshipping together so my heart was naturally grieved. I was actually surprised by the amount of tears that I shed! And it’s for this reason that it seemed to make perfect sense to emotionally pack up and stop allowing myself to get closer to people and to stop working on relationships. I know I would probably hurt less seven months from now if I choose to do this. Self preservation, how right it feels.

The only thing is, Papa God won’t let me be that way and I found out in the most unusual way. It was while I was receiving a massage from a Christian Thai lady named Pa Jum Pee (of Healing Hands on Soy 14 of World Club Land, cell #0871760030). As she was getting rid of the knots and aches in my weary body that day, my mind relaxed, my body was soothed, and my spirit was well ministered to. She had soft worship music playing which flooded my heart and I know she prayed beforehand that the Lord would use her hands to bring healing to my body (thus the name of her business!). And healing, and revelation, is what I indeed receive. I know the Lord impressed in my heart that I would miss out if I stopped relating with people. Not only will He not be able to use me to be a source of encouragement or help to those around me but I won’t be ministered to by Him through people if I don’t relate with them! He assured me of His grace to not just deal with my pain of loss in the future but to also help me get over it. He reminded me that He is faithful and His love is boundless and endless. There would always be lots of His love to give me and His help I will receive!

So I am reminded of “The Thorn Birds”, a book that I read years ago as a teen (by Colleen McCullough). The last page of the book talks about thorn birds and how they impale themselves, led by an immutable force that they know not what, on thorns, and then as the thorns do its deadly work in their bodies, they die singing. The author then mused on how we as people know and understand when we impale thorns in our hearts, but still we do it. Still we do it.

Thank you, Lord, even as we do choose what would actually give us more pain in the future, with purely your help, we are actually able to survive it and still end up being blessed by it. You are such an amazing paradox!