Old and New Friends

You move. We want more.
You speak. We want more.
You move. We want more
We want the fullness.
from the song "Shekinah Glory" by Cory Asbury
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snQQhszgSC8&feature=related

I mentioned on the June 12th posting (“Home”) that of the 17 friends that I left last year, only four are in town. Seven of them left for good and the other six will arrive back here at different times (one as late as April 2013). The four in town were themselves away at various times so it’s been very quiet. Thankfully, I’m getting to know new people and my oldest friend (the one I’ve known the longest in Thailand) is back from her own Home Assignment. =) I can see that although replacements of friends can never really happen, new ones will be there to love, and be loved by, in the future.

In the quiet of the last few weeks, I’ve learned to appreciate new types of friends. Songs always seem to evoke all kinds of emotions from me. Each special tune that plays on my computer have become like friends paying me a visit. Our dog Fudge has been a perfect companion. She’s quiet, always where I am, and hardly ever complains about anything! She cannot see very well off her left eye but she is her usual self. Now that she is 10 years old, she’s a LOT slower. It takes her longer to finish her food and instead of leading our walks, she walks lesser distances and behind me. Because the life span of English Cocker Spaniels can be between 10-15 years, I am purposely enjoying her as long as I’m able to.

Like the volleyball “Wilson” in the movie “Castaway” starring Tom Hanks, a batik dancing girl on a square white cloth would every now and then seem to beckon to me to

worship. I hung her on the screen of the living room window so sometimes the wind would make her sway. Each time she does, I cannot resist going over to the keyboard beside her to sing and play. This has worked perfectly since day or night, no one gets bothered by us!

The other day, one of my friends here made me salad with grilled shrimp and fish. She served it with iced tea as we sat in her living room with their air conditioner on watching a very encouraging documentary about how God is moving in different parts of the world. The movie made me cry several times. Just thinking about it warms my heart. That time not just nourished my body but my spirit! Papa God told her exactly what to do because it was perfect! Another friend who lives in the US woke up at 7 a.m. so she could Skype with me and we chatted for 3 hours! She herself was going through a challenging time but she still made herself available to me when she found out what I was going through. And then my best friend in high school who lives in Manila not just thought of coming here to celebrate my birthday with me but she actually booked her flights! A part of me can’t believe she’s really coming. And I can’t explain why these friends did what they’d done. I don’t know what I’d done for them! I really believe it’s the Holy Spirit in them loving me.

And this brings me to my newest friend, the Holy Spirit. I’ve been relating with Papa God and Jesus, I know. The Holy Spirit, though, is someone I’m really just beginning to get to know intimately. It is ironic that the one who lives inside me is the one I know the least. I am glad for this realization! Holy Spirit, I look forward to getting to know You better. Please reveal yourself to me. Help me hear you well and know You more. In my becoming aware of Your Holy Trinity, You are the one I must learn more about. Thank you, that you do want to be known and to be my new best friend. Amen!

Being Cradled

I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand
Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat.
From the song “The More I Seek You” by Zach Neese
Popularized and sung by Kari Jobe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI_1YliutzA&feature=related

The Toms left for Hawaii (please see previous post for context) two weeks after their initial scheduled departure. The picture on the right was taken at the airport (from left to right they are Nicholas, Michael, Nathaniel, and Iris) Please pray for them. They’ve all been placed in a new level of relating with the Lord and thrust with growth in their maturity. Their lives will be so different and the Lord will be the one sustaining and undergirding them. Our prayers will help them go through that process sweetly and joyfully. Thank you.

I have learned from Chris’ life including my re-evaluation of my fireworks usage. I see my future appreciating the beauty of colors and wondrous lights in the night sky but the thrill of lighting fire crackers to make loud noises is forever snuffed off of me. Thank you, Lord! There are other ways to get my adrenalin going. And I'm not saying Chris did anything wrong. I’m speaking from the way I recklessly handled fireworks in the past growing up in the Philippines where each New Year was greeted with literal LOUD explosions, the noisier the better. I see quieter days ahead of me.

But what I will never forget is the way the Lord ministered to me in my time of distress. When I found out the details of Chris’ death, I was so overcome with sorrow for his family that I couldn’t understand my books. I was behind in my homework and needed to get it accomplished but I couldn't understand anything and no one was here to distract me! I left to do an errand but I almost got in an accident as I changed lanes without looking. Eventually, I realized that the Lord was the one I needed to go to and the only one I could go to.

When I did, I sat on a rocking chair which I placed near the foot of the stairs. Rocking while cushioned in pillows, I looked up the window by the stairs’ landing as it fascinated me. Just days before, the house owner replaced the curtains of our living room and for that window, a new one that could be drawn open was installed. Prior to the installment of the new curtain, we couldn't fully see out that window because the screwed curtain couldn't be opened. I was looking out of the window for the first time since moving here 4 years ago. I thought of the song above and gently rocked, looking up. It dawned on me that I postured what my heart and spirit were doing; looking to the Lord. Not only that, as I cried and asked all my questions, I felt the Lord taking me and cradling me. It was like I was His baby needing to be comforted and consoled and He was carrying me, swaying me gently, whispering His words of reassurance, love, and understanding for me. As I literally rocked on my rocking chair nestled in softness, my Lord was spiritually soothing me and giving me peace.

My friend once taught that we were like little specks of dust on a pepper corn in this great big earth. I even placed a real pepper corn just by my computer to remind me of who I am compared to God. YET, this great, big God took the time to hold me and be with me when I needed Him and in a way I couldn’t deny. "But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29 rings so true! Thank you, Lord!

I'm ending with the first few lines to the song as loving the Lord is ultimately what we cannot help but feel and do when we are with Him. Please go seek Him to find out for yourself.

The more I seek You
The more I find You
The more I find You
The more I love You

Mercies in Disguise

What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
From the song “Blessings” by Laura Story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=XQan9L3yXjc&NR=1

I was at Chris Tom’s memorial this afternoon. On Thursday, we prayed for his wife Iris and we also asked that today, God would be glorified and that we would all go home without heavy hearts. I felt the second request was extremely hard for even God to do. You see, Chris and his family served here for 8 years and for various reasons, they were going to go back home for good. They were supposed to have left on Monday but Chris was fatally wounded in a fireworks explosion the night before. The worst news of all for me was that their two sons were just a few steps behind him when the tragedy happened. I thought the whole scenario was just too gruesome and terribly sad. Yet, is anything too hard for God?

They talked about Chris not feeling much pain because of his severed nerves. He died in the ambulance because he lost too much blood on the way to the hospital.

Chris was honored; his life story was told. He lived a life of service: he loved children (his and others) especially the problematic and fatherless, a former dentist, a Sunday school teacher, a church planter, the morning playground monitor at school, a lover of music, a committed family man, and a man of prayer. I know I missed many more but suffice it to say that he lived his life well. Considering that he had a successful dental profession, it was amazing in itself that he left that and gave of himself. It didn’t look like doing much watching children play and keeping the balls when play time was over but my son for example grieved for him because his love shone. He lovingly served and it was felt.

A friend of theirs shared how she didn’t want anything to do with God because His standards were too high for her to measure up to. She declared that Chris was instrumental in helping her to see the Lord with new eyes. Apparently, she was a sleeping seed but the Lord used Chris to help her bear fruit. She also talked about how much she and the other children learned from the Sunday school teachings that he and Iris did. I know she was just one of many that had all kinds of stories to tell about him.

The pastor encouraged us to not let our hearts be troubled. From the same scripture he quoted Jesus preparing a room for His disciples in His Father’s house. He assured us that Chris went home to be with His God. =)

Songs of hope were sung and Chris’s favorite song, “Blessings”, quoted above. The emcee said Chris liked oldies but Laura Story is a contemporary Christian singer. She just won a Grammy for the same song above. Why she is part of the mix is the Lord’s grace in using his death to teach many of us about how He blesses but yet we don’t see it as such. Chris, a man of prayer, regularly prayed. He firmly believed in the one who answered his prayers. He must have prayed to teach well because the testimonies were telling today. Most of all, it’s because even in his death, he taught through his favorite song. Let’s learn the lesson well. It’s a good one. It’s why our hearts aren’t heavy. We can trust the Lord’s goodness and His blessings. The Lord answered our prayers mightily. =) He was glorified and we are grieving but full of hope.

Thank you, Chris. You exemplified your Lord Jesus well. We are blessed for having known you and seeing you in action. Thank you, Iris, for allowing me to write about Chris in this post. I am excited for you and your three sons and the wonderful blessings the Lord has in store for your future. He is too good to do otherwise. Praise Him. =)

Handling Grief

You give and take away, You give and take away
My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name
From the song “Blessed Be Your Name” by Matt Redman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qp11X6LKYY

I believe my prayers to be more aware of God is being answered. Tonight, I was at a worship meeting when we found out that a member of the school community that I teach at died unexpectedly from an explosion earlier in the evening. We were all in shock and the immediate reaction was to find out where his body was so prayers could be said and the Lord could then glorify Himself by raising him from the dead. At another time, I would have been completely in sync with some of those in our group who wanted to do that. Tonight however, I surprised myself by my hesitation. What I wanted to do was pray for his obviously grieving wife and three sons (our sons’ schoolmates!).

I did have a chance to pray briefly but stopped when more commotion and activity happened. We were understandably saddened, distressed, and some emotional, and we were all handling the gruesome news in various ways. Being an introvert, I left to seek solace in my haven: home. I got here and played the keyboard while singing the lines above, over and over, until I really meant it.

I don’t understand why a life would end so suddenly, so young, with fireworks. I saw him just a few days ago and just as always, he had kind words to say. He welcomed me back then he was off. When I think of him, he’s always that even keel, level headed person, a family man, and an obvious blessing to our community. Why so soon, Papa God? Why in that manner?

I had no answers but I felt the Lord’s peace. Somehow, Ecclesiastes 3:2 came to mind about a time to be born and a time to die. Death is what we all have in common and what we must do to move from this life to the one we’ll live forever. For believers in Jesus, if we don’t die, then how do we go to heaven? It just has to happen at some point, somehow. Yesterday, I was actually joking with a friend who was helping me unpack and move things in the house. I asked her to give me a hand in moving a big and heavy rocking chair from the second floor porch area to our living room. I told her that I didn’t want to do it alone in case I slip and fall and kill myself while carrying the bulky furniture down the stairway. Who would then know if it happened? It was a joke and a morbid thought but I am very serious now when I say if I do perish, please do not pray for me to live again in this life (unless of course God asked you to!). I am grateful and love my life but how could it compare to the glorious one I’ll have in heaven? I know I would rather be there.

Just as I know that our departed friend (and anyone else who’d gone to heaven) is ecstatic about his new abode. It is highly unlikely(!) that this life will ever win. And this is why I didn’t want to pray for him to be raised back to life. I will miss him and do grieve. I am deeply saddened for his wife and sons and our community. BUT, he is where he wants to be, and most important, where God allowed him to be at this time. It is His grace.

From her place of pain and sadness, Rachel called her son “Benoni” meaning “son of sorrow”. Jacob spoke and said otherwise; calling him Benjamin, meaning “son of my right hand” (Genesis 35:18). Kim Clement stated in his teaching that Jacob changed what could have been a curse to a blessing. I urge us all, we are called to do the same.

When death itself appears, faith points to the light of resurrection beyond the grave, thus making our dying Benoni to be our living Benjamin.
Charles Spurgeon

In spite our collective grief, the Lord is good and we can trust His goodness. He means well for our friend’s family left behind. He loves them more than all our love combined. Amen.

Dove's Eyes

Give me dove’s eyes
Give me undistracted devotion for only You
From the song “Dove’s Eyes” by Misty Edwards
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=9PxjtX6inSc&NR=1

After one week here, I’m happy to report that I finished the reflection paper I had to do for my online course and am greatly relieved. I have more reading to do to get fully caught up but I hope to get those done this week. I’ve had to put that work on hold while preparing to get here so I’m really happy that I’m almost up to date on the work. I was also able to renew my work visa and just today, received an email from Tyndale Seminary informing me that I was accepted to their Master of Divinity in Counselling Program. Yay! =)

Twice this week, I also found my wallet. I first forgot it at the counter in Makro (like a Costco) and didn’t even realize it. I got home and received a call to let me know I left it there. When I went back for it, they took a picture of me with the store manager as she handed it back to me. She made sure all my cash and cards were there (they were!) and then she gently reminded me to be more careful next time. =) The next time happened when I dropped my wallet in the driveway of our house where it was in plain sight from outside our unlocked gate (and our dog was with me!). I came back from our walk and it was still there. It’s so good to be in Thailand. What an amazing week! =D

I just came back from over two hours of playing the sports I love: ping pong and volleyball. I never really had time for them before but now I do. As I played and enjoyed the mountains as a backdrop, I couldn’t help but feel so blessed to be here. The Lord is too kind and good to me.

I discovered the song above and it really is my prayer about what I want to happen. A friend actually walked with me today and when I told her my prayer request to have a constant awareness of Papa God, she said, “but you’re just talking about Him!” “That’s just it!” I protested, and then proceeded to quote the other lines to the song.

I don’t want to talk about You
like You’re not in the room
I want to look right at You
I want to sing right to You

I know I’d spent some worship times playing the piano and singing more for me than to God. I am intent to change. "Oh Lord, please help me." What does undistracted devotion look like? How do I function and do work and carry on conversations with people while maintaining an awareness of Him? I have a LOT to learn!

The other day I was eating salad and I asked the Lord what I should be doing. I then poured some salad dressing on my lettuce and was surprised when I glanced at the bottle! The people who lived here for us bought the dressing so I wasn't familiar with it. Instead of the usual Kraft brand, the name on it was “Praise”. So, I did(!) and do every now and then. It really is amazing how the Lord will talk to us if we are on the look out for how He’ll do it.

Here's a prayer I read on an email just before I wrote this.

Awaken my heart, Lord. Open my eyes to all that You are and everything we can be together. Lead me to Your presence and show me how to truly keep You first in my life. Show me what will have lasting significance. I want all of You, and I want to experience Your glory!
A prayer by Francis Frangipane

Amen!

Home

Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14b

I am home, or at least I am now living in our house in Chiang Mai. I struggle to call it home just because I’m the only one here. When the rest of my family joins me on August 4th, it’ll then be home. I realize “home” has many definitions so let me refer to the one I mean which is the 3rd on the list of definitions from the http://www.thefreedictionary.com site:

1. A place where one lives; a residence.
2. The physical structure within which one lives, such as a house or apartment.
3. A dwelling place together with the family or social unit that occupies it; a household.

Our home (defined as #1 and #2) is super comfortable. I have nothing to complain about. The folks who lived here for us while we were away blessed us by taking care of our place well. They even left me with fruit juices and salad dressings in the fridge – YES! (Thanks, Todds! My stomach is tickled with delight.) =) I liked our home before and still do. I particularly love our bedroom with windows on all 3 sides. In the morning, I love hearing the birds chirping away to welcome the day. It is a blessing to be here.

When I left a year ago, I had 17 friends that I gathered together to honour and say goodbye to. Of those same 17 people, only 4 or 5 are in town at this time. Because school is out until August, most of them left for their home countries or are on vacation. A few left for good and now that I’m back here where we used to be, it’s been grieving my heart. It isn’t hard to see that being without family and most of my friends, I am left with our dog (god spelled backwards) Fudge, and Papa God. =D

I’ve only been here 5 days so I’m still adjusting to being back. I have to catch up on my online course homework that I couldn’t do while packing and traveling to get here so I need to be diligent to study. As I deal with my grief and get caught up with my school work, I hope to learn where the Lord is taking me next.

I’d always enjoyed my quiet moments with Papa God. In the past, there were times when I woke up at 5:30 to have it. Prior to getting very busy before coming here, I set aside a day in the week to sleep and just be with Him. Once a month for the past 3 years, I’d left my family for 24 hours and holed up somewhere quiet and secluded. I’d always looked forward to it. I realized that with my needing to come back here to Thailand sooner to renew my visa, I would inadvertently have this extended time with Papa God. YES! It feels so odd with my loved ones missing and I miss them but I know when this time is over, I would have learned a LOT and truly cherish it. I know I want, and need, to learn to stay connected with the Lord outside of my dedicated times in the past. Max Lucado described it well when he said:

Acknowledge God’s presence everywhere you go,
As you stand in line to register your car, think,
Thank you, Lord, for being here.
In the grocery store as you shop,
Your presence, my King, I welcome.
As you wash the dishes, worship your Maker.

I've functioned with dualism. I’ve spent most of my days where although some were committed to God in prayer, most of the time was spent oblivious of Him. I no longer want this. I’d like to be 100% aware and plugged into God at all times. It is a tall order but I realize it is as much my desire as His! This is why I need to be alone for a season, to learn, to be obsessed, and to dance with the Lord, as I alluded to in the previous post.



I don’t know what it’ll look like and I need lots of prayers because I may very well function out of old habits. BUT, I do know it’ll be glorious and I’ll feel like I’ve come “home” as defined below. Amen.

4. To the center or heart of something; deeply: ex. Your comments really hit home.

A Living Sanctuary

Lord prepare me, to be a sanctuary.
Pure and Holy, tried and true,
From the song “Sanctuary” by R. Scruggs & J. Thompson

A few weeks ago, I posted “Dancing Again” (April 15, 2012) and indicated that I thought the Lord was literally teaching me to dance. Now weeks later, I hadn’t really had opportunities to physically dance. The literal dancing could still happen as I then thought, but, also in that time, I came across three books that talked about learning how to dance in a figurative way. It baffled me that as I read and got to the end of a chapter, it ended with something about dancing. John Ortberg’s book “Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them” for example, has questions at the end of each chapter with the heading “Learning to Dance”.

I haven’t finished reading all three books except “Soul Talk” by Larry Crabb. It taught me a LOT! He wrote:

I’ve been on the religious journey, trying to do what it takes to make my life work and to feel alive. I want to trade in all that self-obsession for God obsession.
Into abandonment: I’ll follow the Spirit wherever He tells me to go because I am willing to risk trusting God even when He does nothing visible to warrant my trust.
Toward confidence: God’s been dancing all along. Now I’m walking onto the dance floor. I can hear the music. I’m actually dancing, and I feel alive.
Resulting in release: Now I want to bless those who have hurt me. My pain isn’t the point. Yes, I still hurt, but I’m becoming God obsessed! I’m a little more like Jesus! And it’s who I really am. I’m discovering my true self. This is joy!

and what he wrote resonates within me. I realize I’m not where he is but I do want to learn to become confident, and I know the Lord is teaching me how. In due season, I will learn to dance and feel truly alive!

I know part of the process is learning to be used in a sacrificial way. It hasn’t surprised me that the song above started to play in my head last week. What surprised me (and maybe it shouldn’t?) was that it was sung at church yesterday. It’s an old song so it isn’t usual to hear it sung. As I sat there at the end of the service (usually in that church, we’re asked to be silent for a few minutes before leaving), I mused on the aptness of the song sung during worship. As I chuckled to myself about the wonder of God, the instrumental for the same song played again. =)

With thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary, for you.