New Steps

In their hearts humans plan their course,

but the Lord establishes their steps.

Proverbs 16:9 NIV

Last week, I was a chaperone at Ethan's class field trip.
We stayed at Horizon Village where this shot was taken.

Exactly a month ago on the 20^th, I wrestled with what I thought the Lord was asking me to do. You can read about it on April 28^th’s posting called “God’s Suddenly”. When I found out then what I felt God wanted me to do: take on a new role in the school I taught in; I moved from arguing with the Lord that it wasn’t a good idea, to giving in with constraints, to finally going through the motions of obeying. I talked to friends and attempted to find one who saw the whole process as a big mistake. Surprisingly, no one did! The Lord knew that I needed all the encouragement that I could get and He made sure I got it. In the end, still with my head shaking in puzzlement, I had wondered about where everyone was and why they saw me a certain way and at what they saw. It’s a new concept for me to be seen and affirmed even by those who don’t directly have dealings with me. I don’t understand it. The only way it makes sense to me is because of the Holy Spirit. He’s been telling on me and prompting others to affirm and build me up! It’s the only way to explain what feels like a conspiracy, in a good way.

The field trip involved sleeping overnight in a dorm full
of 6th graders. In spite their squeals, giggles, whispers, and
the occasional loud voice, I fell asleep. It was the
longest, needed sleep I'd had in weeks! 

So exactly a month later at the exact day when He impressed to those two friends to talk to me about taking on the role, just because nothing is impossible with Him, I had my job interview and was offered the job hours later. It’s only been a month so my whole being is still adjusting to the newness of it all. It took me awhile to believe the Lord was serious. It shouldn’t have surprised me that I was offered the job because I knew the Lord wanted me to do it, BUT, I was surprised, anyway!

If you'd like to see hedges of all shapes (dinosaurs,
dolphins, dragons, birds, etc.), you'd want
to go to Horizon Village. You'd be fascinated!  =)

So the Lord’s suddenly is now a reality. I’ll start my new job on August 1^st. I’m so glad because it’ll give me the summer to convince myself that the Lord knows what He’s doing. In spite myself, He will use me and together, we’ll do amazing things! I choose to believe in His ability to use my weaknesses. He will be made strong. YES!

Staff at school hasn’t been told about my new post so I can’t identify it here but I will surely like doing the job. Once I get over my shock, I will probably even love it. =) Thank you, Lord, for this wild ride. Praise You!

You Are Wonderful

You are beautiful, You are wonderful,

You are merciful, Jesus

From the song, “No Greater Love” by Anna Taylor

This college graduation photo is now displayed by her
casket. The black spots are not moles but dirt on the print.
Corazon Angeles-Cruz, "Cor"
October 1, 1963 - May 9, 2013

On Thursday night, at 10:53 p.m., my friend and sister, Cor, passed away. I’ve been reeling from the loss. Why is it that her life affected me so? When we first met, it was when her family moved next door. She was like an only child because she and her older brother didn’t get along. Since they didn’t play together, she often asked to play with me and my brother in our garden. There were times when I didn’t think we wanted her there but we tolerated her. As we grew into our teens, I saw her less and less as our interests changed. I was two years older than her so although we went to the same school, we hardly related there. At least once a year, she borrowed my textbooks so we often connected then. Cor was someone I just grew to love. I think in the beginning, it was because I felt sorry for her that she and her brother didn’t like one another. She told me that her mother and brother would often gang up on her. She was grateful that her Dad was there to defend and speak for her. Then, one day, the turning point in our relationship happened. Her father died of a heart attack.

She was only 15. I remember going to see her and having her cry on my shoulder. We shared no words for in her tears she couldn’t speak and I had none to give her. At 17, I really didn’t know how to comfort her. I just knew I tried to be by her as best I could. In the Philippines, back then, the wake was on for 24 hours so a back room was used for the family to rest at, when needed. Cor and I slept there one night and in the morning, I was awakened by her soft sobbing. Grief stricken and not knowing what to say, I took her hand and held it. I knew it surprised her because her sobbing paused for a bit before continuing. She didn’t pull her hand away, though, so we held hands until she stopped crying. I remember feeling relieved when she finally stopped. I was glad I could do something. Although I couldn’t express myself verbally, she knew I was there for her.

Just over a year later, my family left for Canada so we didn’t hear much from one another. Each time I visited the Philippines though, we connected. We both got married and had our children. Years later, it tickled us that our children enjoyed spending time and playing together. Our friendship affected our loved ones, the next generation. Cor and I shared the same maiden name (Angeles) so we always said we were practically sisters. We really were in every sense.

I can’t remember over the years when we started doing it but at some point, our hands touched and met again during one visit. Neither of us spoke about it but since then, we just held hands when we could. We never did talk about it. It was like our hands shared a friendship of their own. They also visited even as we, their owners, talked and visited. For me, it just felt right. There we were, two grown, mature women, holding hands and it feeling so right. One of my sons actually commented, “Mom, what’s with the hand holding?”  =)

Two years ago, when she had her life threatening surgery to remove her eye tumor, I happened to be in Manila visiting so I went to her. Her mother had since also passed away and she and her brother had actually become the best of friends. I was so glad for them! Still, when it was time for the surgery, she held my hand starting from her room, through the hallways and elevators, and all the way to the operating room while her husband and brother looked on. Much older (and wiser?), I spoke words of comfort and faith. She listened but held and sought my hand.

Yesterday, her husband and children called me from the funeral home. They showed me her casket and her holding the handkerchief that I sent her (please read last week’s posting). I thought the hanky was for Cor’s physical or spiritual healing. It had confused me because it arrived late. What was that about? She already passed away. Then, I realized that my going up for prayer that Sunday meant more people prayed for Cor and her family. I’m sure her last week would have been worse without God's answer to those prayers. I just now understood that her albeit lifeless hand held the handkerchief that I sent which symbolized our “other” relationship, the hand holding one. In the Lord’s goodness and awesomeness, He provided closure for that, as well. Thank you, Papa God, for Cor and for all You do. I’m grateful also that where before, you used me to hold her hand, You are now holding hers. =)

Trusting and Believing

“God did extraordinary miracles through Paul, so that even handkerchiefs

and aprons that had touched him were taken to the sick,

and their illnesses were cured …”

Acts 19:11-12

Yesterday, an unusual occurrence happened at church. Our pastor was away so a replacement, his pastor friend from Australia, came to preach at our service. I first noticed him while we practiced for the morning’s worship time which I had the privilege to play the keyboard for. I saw him walking around the sanctuary praying at least 45 minutes before the service started. When he did speak, he followed his introduction by sharing that he received a word from the Lord about someone who was diagnosed recently with a brain tumor (or an aneurysm). He asked for that person to come forward to receive prayer. No one went up but even as he was describing the word he received, I couldn't help but remember my friend, Cor, who was just admitted to the hospital. Another friend who heard the same invitation thought of Cor as well. (This friend wrote me about her thoughts which had been very affirming!) I had sent her an email the day before, requesting for prayers for Cor. Cor’s a childhood friend. We grew up as neighbours in the Philippines so it’s a friendship that had spanned almost 40 years! She has always been a special friend, like a younger sister to me.

April 2011, just before her surgery to remove the
tumor behind her left eye. The tumor had been
pushing her left eye forward and downward.

Now she is in the palliative care of a hospital in Manila to relieve her of constant and intense pain in her head. She’s had a tumor begin at the back of her left eye but it had spread to 40% of her brain. This is why it’s a recently diagnosed brain tumor  Her condition is inoperable. All they are doing is relieving her of the pain. She is constantly sedated to give her some comfort. When I last spoke to her 2 weeks ago, she described her pain at 11, on a scale of 1-10. I also could barely hear her, she was so weak. It’s been heart breaking to know what she is going through. I’ve been praying because it’s all I know to do. What else could I do being here?

Two years ago, I was visiting in Manila when she had an operation to remove the tumor behind her eye (mentioned in the post “Land of Our Births”, April 13, 2011). They couldn't get rid of all the mass! They’d tried in the last two years to stop its growth (by diet and radiotherapy) but they’d obviously been unsuccessful. Yesterday, when I told the visiting pastor about Cor, he and the rest of the church prayed for her healing and he asked for a handkerchief to anoint. He then literally anointed the cloth with oil and instructed me to send it to Cor. It will be on its way tomorrow.

Just like in Acts 3:12, I know the power of healing isn't in the anointed handkerchief. Only Papa God’s power is able to help Cor physically or spiritually get well. As in the verse above, I don’t know why the Lord would choose to work in this way, now. I know I am acting in faith, trusting and believing, just as the visiting pastor did yesterday in calling out the person needing prayer for a brain tumor  He came from Australia to Thailand, prayed for a handkerchief that will soon be on its way to the Philippines. Be glorified, Papa God. We trust in your love, goodness, and faithfulness, and we praise and thank you for what you do.

If you are led, please pray for Cor, her husband Mon, and their five children: Miel, Claudia, Dominique, Diego, and Gus. I will post an update as I am made aware of her situation. This morning, her husband was told that Cor doesn't have much time left. Thank you for praying.

God's Suddenly

Keep your eyes on Me, not only for direction but also for empowerment.

I never lead you to do something without equipping you for the task.

Sarah Young writing for Jesus on (April 23^rd’s devotional entry) “Jesus Calling”

At this time of year, beautiful trees like the
above can be seen all over Chiang Mai.

Last Saturday, I was asked by two friends whether I would consider doing something that I actually already thought about doing. When the thought occurred to me, I only briefly considered the idea because I felt it was too preposterous for me to do. I quickly pushed it out of my mind thinking that there was no way I could do it. As the first person asked me if I thought of doing it, I actually admitted that it did cross my mind but I told her that I didn’t think I could do it. She immediately asked me why not and added that it was something she thought I would do well. Quickly adding and telling her that I wouldn't know how to go about doing it, I left her while shaking my head at the notion. Turning to my other friend who heard the earlier exchange, I added that I couldn't believe the first friend would make such a suggestion! The second friend then turned to me and expressed that she thought I could do it. Refusing to believe what I heard twice and choosing to discount it, I drove home bewildered but I couldn't shake off the absurdity of the whole discussion. “What was that about?” I asked myself, and why was it brought to my attention again? I then had a mental conversation with God. I began to wonder if the first time I thought of the idea was actually from Him. I argued (?) and tried to convince Him that He couldn’t possibly be serious in what He was telling me. Surely, He didn’t want me to do it, did He? I tried to tell Him that there was no way I could possibly do it well but He reminded me that with Him, I could do anything.

There are mountains usually seen on the horizon behind
the homes in the picture. Unfortunately, Thais
burn their fields to clear it, causing the unhealthy pollution.

It also grieved me when I realized that He would have to raise another person to do it because I wouldn’t obey Him. I reluctantly agreed but I asked if He could have five conditions happen first. Eng and our sons gave me their blessings which immediately satisfied the first condition. By the evening, the second condition was met after "Skyping" with a good friend. She affirmed that it was a good fit for me. The next day, I talked to a friend I don't normally visit with after church. She shared some news that could easily satisfy the third and fourth conditions so I wrestled with the whole idea again. All of this happened in one day! How could it be happening so quickly? And Eng and my friend sounded exactly the same! Also, how could the friend I was talking to be aware of the information that I needed to hear? Surely, it was God; I could no longer deny it! I began to feel badly about my conditions because I knew that if I was sure it was what He wanted me to do, then why would I need to have my conditions met before I obeyed? Repenting, I rescinded my remaining conditions. I acted on what was suggested and sure enough, the 3^rd and 4^th conditions were answered.

God’s suddenly comes from nowhere. It happens so fast that it overwhelms and we are left understanding but unbelieving. It’s just so hard to believe! Yet, situations happen and there is no denying His handiwork. After one week, I am amazed that my life will be taking on a new direction in the near future. I’m still getting used to the idea. I choose to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing. I know that whatever my reservations are, He knows best!

We serve an awesome God and He transforms and changes us in a blink of an eye. His suddenly has the tendency to suck our breath out from us (this happened twice to me this past week!) but He is always up to something good. I believe it is best for us to just go along for the ride. We can trust His love and His goodness. =) And, it is disconcerting and scary, but exciting nonetheless! I guess you can say, I would have it no other way.

Post About the Boston Marathon Incident

Our oldest son, Evan, wrote an excellent post on his blog entitled below. In light of what happened recently during the Boston Marathon, I decided to encourage you to read what he wrote instead of using the possible little time you have to read my post this week. I believe the Lord is using what he wrote to encourage those who read it to respond appropriately with regards to incidents like Boston’s and others like it. Please go check it out. It will be worth the read.

I Don’t Know If Anyone’s Said This About Boston Yet

Posted on April 19, 2013 by Evan |

http://culturewarreporters.com/2013/04/19/i-dont-know-if-anyones-said-this-about-boston-ye/

Unending Love

Ethan, Eli, Eng, and Linda at "The Pines".

A sunrise shot at the beach in front of "The Pines"
at Prachuap Khiri Khan, Thailand

In keeping with the days of rest, I’m taking it easy and will not do much writing. However, I couldn’t resist not sharing what the Lord revealed in the way He loves. While walking along the beach during our vacation at Prachuap Khiri Khan in Thailand, He told me that His love for me (us, I’m sure!) was as much as the number of grains of sand on the beach, the number of times the waves hit the shore, and the number of drops of salt water that made up the sea in front of me. I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with His love!  =)

I love you, too, Papa God!!! Thank you for your love.

An overcast day, just before the sun
peaked out.

Eng and I hanging out.

Days of Rest

The view from the hammock under the pine trees.

This time last year, we were busy cleaning and packing our rented house in Markham, Ontario as we prepared to return to Chiang Mai. Our lives were so busy and it was terribly tiring. Since then, our lives had considerably changed in many ways and believe it or not, even sped up. We now have designated family nights (usually Sundays) and at least a once a month stay-home-week-end so that we regularly are all home at the same time to see and relate with each another. =) This is something we are committed to doing and try our best to protect.

Our school has a two-week April break so we are now at OMF’s vacation home in Prachuap Khiri Khan (12-13 hours south of Chiang Mai). We missed being here last year because we were in Canada but since we’re back in Thailand, we are spending some of our vacation days here. Aaahhh, the water, the waves, the skies, the sunshine, and the sea make such a wonderful combination. We are so grateful to be here for a week! And, this is deliberately short to make great use of this time of rest. =)

Sunrise at the Beach