Change

The Father of the heavenly lights, (who) does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17b

It’s not always easy. We packed up our home of three years in Chiang Mai and arrived here eight weeks ago. Four of those eight weeks were spent in a Guest Home. The last four weeks were spent in this rented house. In between visits to cottages, we’d learned to live together as a household of six. It’d been fun and enjoyable and full of adjustments and changes.

On Monday and Tuesday, while Eric, Eli, and Ethan were at their MK retreat, I stayed at my parent’s house to help look after them. My mother changed. She’d been taking a dietary supplement to help her brain function better and it’d been working. Her sentences were still not sensible but when asked why she was scratching, she responded by saying because she was itchy. =) She asked questions and told stories. It’d been awhile since she’d made sense so it made us who looked after her truly rejoice at the change. Thank you, Lord.

Last Thursday, we took Evan to his college for his final year. Since he lived with us when we arrived here, we initially got pleasantly used to him being with us and now, we’re adjusting to him no longer with us. We miss him.

When I took a walk this morning, I noticed that the leaves on the maple trees were beginning to change color. Change is in the air. Whether it’s the frequency of earthquakes or hurricane Irene on the east coast, new things are happening.

Next week, we have more changes as Eric leaves for college.

We cannot escape change as we even change ever slightly as we age every day that we live. A lot of us might resist change and not want to change but it’s undoubtedly a part of our lives whether we want it or not. Change is necessary. The Father always wants to transform us. We must desire change so we can be more like Him faster.

It is a paradox. The instigator of change, the one who wants us to change, will Himself, never change. He’s the only constant. Somehow, I find this truth comforting.
He is perfect. There is nothing in Him that needs changing. =) What a God He is!

Enthralled by Beauty

Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear:
Forget your people and your father’s house.
The king is enthralled by your beauty;
Honor Him, for He is your Lord.

Psalm 45:10-11

On the 17th of August, 17 days after moving into the house we’re now renting, we decided to anoint our home with oil and pray over each room. The 4-bedroom house we’re staying in belongs to Christians but since we all have sins we struggle with and spirits associated with our sins ensure we keep sinning, we prayed that anything that didn’t belong to Papa God, be removed in each of the rooms we are able to use. (One bedroom is off limits to us because the owners have their things stored in it.)

Our prayer time went well but even more noticeable was the increase in openness to the things of God (over the lure of the electronics) since we prayed. One of the difficulties I see in living here is that between the cable TV and the computer, our sons don't seem interested in doing anything else. Shortly after we prayed however, I’ve been able to have individual times with them just to talk, pray, and bless them. It’s also been easier to have corporate times of prayer. Whew, it sure is great to be able to do those!

This week, a friend sent me the verse above and it resonated within me so much that I spent two days meditating on it. I listened and considered. I knew I was too caught up with the must-dos of my sons and the house work. At my parent’s house, their needs occupy my mind and time. Even when I’m at home, I’m still phoning around to look for a caregiver for them. As the verse stated, I needed to forget my preoccupations. I could perfectly relate! It’s the third line that stumped me. Why on earth would the king, God Himself, be enthralled by my beauty? What beauty?

I was confused and decided He must certainly mean my inner beauty. Still, because I am aware of my struggles, my sins, my past mistakes, and my present temperament and temptations, I couldn’t figure out why God would be enthralled with me. In my mind there is nothing to be enthralled with! I waited for His answer. As I spent time with my parents though, I’d felt Him say, “That’s why!” for the different ways I cared for them. I further became still and waited for more answers. Soon, I understood that His eyes saw our potential. Because He isn’t bound by time, He sees us in our future transformed state. Also, He created us and He is fascinated by the beauty of His work, us! I realize that some of us don’t like some of our features but He made us perfectly. We are beautiful to Him! Most of all, as He sees that we are willing to have Him work in our lives and ask for more of Him in us, He is surely pleased with us because we are becoming more and more like Him. This is why He is enthralled. =)

It is fascinating! The more I understand God, the more loveable He gets. He truly is, one of a kind. Awesome God and Lord, please help us to honor you and do it well.

Grace Extended

And You answer, "My child, I love you. And as long as you’re seeking My face, You’ll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."

From the song “Grace” by Laura Story

After feeling like I was failing miserably in staying focused on God since arriving in Toronto, I asked Papa God to forgive me, asked further for His help to do better and was soon ready to go to bed. Just before sleeping, I thought to listen to a song that He might want to use to minister to me. My iPhone had 518 songs in the playlist I chose and I proceeded to choose shuffle (an option where the gadget randomly chooses which of the 518 songs to play). Amazingly, the song “Grace” played. Immediately, I was touched and knew I needed to focus on what happened that day, or some time this week. I realize that it is God’s grace that I’m even alive. What I wanted to recall were those moments of His unmerited kindness that were out of the ordinary.

It didn’t take long and I was soon thanking Papa God for the miracle of Ethan being accepted at a private Christian school that will soon move near us. We were asked not to disclose the details of the arrangements we made. Although the tuition fee costs $9,300 for the year. The Lord had seen it fit for Ethan to be able to study there. It is truly amazing!

Eli is happy to attend the local public high school for his 10th grade and Ethan will be in 5th grade when school starts.

Before even coming to Canada, two friends (who don’t know one another) wrote about the school and asked if we’d consider sending our sons there. Deep down, I knew I was just being polite to them when I wrote back to say we’d pray about it. I knew of the school’s expensive fees because years ago I homeschooled Evan in his 1st grade as we didn’t have the $7,000 to send him there. After arriving here, I visited with one of my friends who recommended the school. Unprompted, she talked about the school again and she even gave suggestions on how it might work for Ethan to go there. I was still unconvinced but I shared it with the family and we began to pray to find out God's will for Ethan's schooling. Our friend even went ahead and talked to the decision makers of the school so we were soon expected to meet with them. That meeting did happen the morning that the song played. Before we finished the meeting, we were told that Ethan had a green light to attend their school.

The lines in the song went; “I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down? And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?” just before the (Lord’s) answer quoted above. Because of my inability to stay focused on God, I had the same questions and the Lord couldn’t have answered me more graciously than with a song that actually verbalized my questions and answered them.

We have an amazing God. His grace abounds. Nothing is impossible for Him and He always desires to bless. We do not deserve His mercy and grace but He’s always willing and wanting to give it. For this reason, we love Him so. Thank you, Lord, Papa God, for who you are. =) Love you!

Since frog legs were on sale, Evan prompted Eng to buy some and soon it ended up on our table, along with eggplant cooked in bean sauce. Half of us liked the bottom part of the froggies but the rest of us were turned off by them. The half who enjoyed them soon ate them all and we were left with the meat-less bones. Soon, we were all laughing as three of us decided to make the bone legs dance to "can-can" music. =D

Amazing Grace

However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.

Ecclesiastes 11:8

On Tuesday, August 2nd, I turned fifty. When I was younger, I used to think people over fifty are old so now I’m feeling old. At some point, I’ll probably begin to wear polyester slacks and double knit cardigans – NOT! =D I don’t think a wardrobe change will happen any time soon but I know I’ll be thinking twice before doing anything strenuous. The other day I saw an exercise bar in a house I visited and quickly did a “chin-up”, as in pull my whole body up with my arms to get my chin above the bar. I barely succeeded and worse, my left arm now hurts periodically. I’m told that I probably pulled a muscle or strained it. I used to do several of those “chin-ups” effortlessly as a teen but definitely gone are those days. My mind can still remember what my body was able to do but I need to be realistic now to understand what it can actually still do. Like Peter and the other disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane when Jesus asked them to wait, my mind and spirit could be very willing but my flesh is definitely weaker and no longer what it used to be.

My body’s limitation is my first lesson in what Eli calls, my “turning of age”. Secondly, I woke up early on my birthday to take a walk. During the walk, the Lord ‘wowed’ me with the sea of yellow flowers on the grass, the blue sky, and the perfect cool weather for walking. I was grateful. Still, as the Lord does with me, the next incident happened. On my way back, I was just half a block away from our house when I saw a young lady picking up strewn garbage on the street. A raccoon had knocked down her green bin the night before, rummaged through and ate the smelly leftovers, then left without cleaning up. She was doing the awful job of gathering the stinky mess. I saw some newspapers on the ground so I used it to help her pick up the refuse. She was appalled and insisted that I stop since I wasn't wearing gloves like she was. I continued to help anyway and with her advice that I wash my hands, she introduced herself. Her name was “Grace”. I suppose it shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did anyway. On this blog are several old postings which talks about the times when the Lord literally used women named “Grace” to help me realize what He’d done for me, and extended me. If you regularly read this blog, you’ll know what I mean. At any rate, after our encounter, I knew the Lord wanted me to concentrate on His grace in my life so I spent the rest of the day on the look out for it.

I received several email and Facebook birthday greetings, phone calls, and, cards and gifts from family and friends who came to the house to celebrate with me. I appreciated the show of care and love. In all that, what particularly stands out is the morning walk by the pond in Unionville with my sons and Eng. I picked a beautiful spot and asked them to pray for me. Each one prayed sincerely and thanked God for me. =) Then, they gave me a group hug. In the arms of my four sons and husband, and with the felt blessing of Papa God, I could feel the Lord smiling and couldn’t help smiling myself. Those tender moments made up my best birthday gift!

In addition to that grace, I saw two teens in a locked embrace early last week which reminded me of my ungodly relationship in the past and where I’d been. Had it not been for the grace of God and His mercy, I wouldn’t be married for 24 years, with 4 sons, on Home Assignment after serving as missionaries for over 10 years, etc., etc. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness in my life for the past 50 years! Praise you.

The God Who Sees

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

Psalm 139:2

In just two days, we’ll be moving into the house that we’re renting for the duration of our stay here. I remember our landlord writing us when we were still in Chiang Mai. She said, “All you have to do is arrive at the house with your bags. You can unpack your suitcases and you’ll be set up. You can use the towels, sheets, and everything else!” With that in mind, I looked around our place today and noted the pieces of luggage in the different parts of our apartment. Well, she was right! We are indeed moving to her house with our luggage but also with LOADS more of other stuff! We didn’t anticipate nor even hope it but the Lord had seen it fit to bless us abundantly. Right now, our living room and hallway literally have stuffed bags, full boxes, and even a complicated gerbil cage (with two gerbils!) waiting to be transported to our new place. We also visited with a friend today to celebrate her birthday with her but we were the ones that left her place with several bags and containers full of stuff that she gave us! Consequently, our van is now filled to the brim with items from her. In both instances, our friends were given things that they didn’t need but they thought of us so they passed on the stuff to us. The one family had items that they no longer needed nor wanted (like the gerbils). It is amazing how the Lord provides and knows what is useful for us. We don’t even know half of what are in the bags that we got today. Somehow, I have a sense that we’ll probably need those things someday. The Lord’s just already provided them ahead of time. Along with many other things, Ethan now have new toys and pets, Eric and Eli have ice skates and clothes, Eng has shoes, Evan has a brand new rice cooker and a non-stick pan, and Linda now has a cell phone that even has money in it! It shouldn’t surprise that the Lord knows our needs before we even think it but it is mind boggling how He sets it all up! Last week, another friend offered to help us move on Monday and we accepted her offer out of wanting to make our move easier (and more fun!). Now that we’ve got an overflow of things, her and her husband’s help will truly be much needed, a real Godsend!

Ethan while excitedly building his just received LEGO set.

Also last week, we talked about not having a rice cooker to cook our rice on. Just a few days later, our neighbor gave us a brand new rice cooker! How did God do that? Today, on the way to our friend’s house, Evan talked to his brothers about wanting to see a movie together. Just a few minutes after our arrival at her place, they all received movie coupons from her! It’s unexplainable how Papa God does it! He sees, He knows, He hears, He impresses, He does, He orchestrates, He gives, and He probably chuckles at our reactions when we are amazed and awed out of our wits when we understand what He’s done. Thank you, Lord, for your kindness and goodness in providing even when we don’t ask you. You are such a good God! There is no one like you. We love you.

Added Later: Today at church, the Lord reminded me of how He sees us just like He did Hagar and Ishmael in Genesis 21:8-19. I met a social worker last Friday while looking for a caregiver for my mother and after talking, we prayed. While praying, she started to cry, later remarking that the Lord heard the prayers she said on her own and used our prayer time to speak into it. As she heard what the Lord will do, she couldn't help but be touched. Every time we pray, the Lord sees, hears, and does.

The Gift of Kisses

My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise His Holy Name forever and ever.

Psalm 145:21

Tomorrow, we would have been back here for three weeks. Time has flown. We’ve gone to different shopping places several times to shop for toiletries, groceries, and other stuff we needed to feel at home. We’ve been attending one supporting church that’s close to where we live. But most of all, we’ve been to my parent’s house to spend time with them.

Sadly, my mother, who has Alzheimer’s, has progressed in her illness since I saw her last year. While before she sometimes strung together random words when she spoke, now she does it almost all the time. Words come out of her mouth, mostly in Filipino, but they do not form a thought. Consequently, as listeners, we’d end up confused. She’d be talking to us in a normal conversational tone but we’d be guessing as to what she means and trying to come up with our own random answers. Sometimes, she looks like she understands us. Other times, she looks just as confused as we are.

She’s forgotten who I am and that I’m her daughter so there is no reason to relate with me. As a way to connect with her and to distract her, I’d play the piano. While I do, she sings or hums the words to the songs while her head sways to the beat, or she would sometimes dance to the melody. She also gets irritated if I misplay the song. =) At the very least, she would tap her foot in time with the beat. I look for that as my sign to keep playing. If she’s preoccupied with the music, she’s not scolding my father (which she sometimes does), nor sleeping (which she always does). It’s good for her mind to engage in something.

It’s been so HOT this week so I barbequed some meat on the grill instead of cooking inside their house when I visited them. It was close to 40 degrees so I was soaked in sweat. Not only was I wet, I could also smell the BBQ’s smoke on me. Ethan tried to hug me but quickly recoiled when he felt me (or smelled me?). I could perfectly understand him because I didn’t want to hug nor kiss myself either! It’s smelling like I did which makes me wonder all the more why I got the kisses I received from my mother that night. As I said “goodnight”, I offered to put powder on her face. (In the past, she loved using Johnson’s Baby Powder.) She allowed me to apply the powder on her left cheek with my fingers and then later told me to put some on the right cheek also. Soon; she was holding my hand and using my fingers to spread the then imaginary powder all over her face. She still liked the powder’s smell and I think it soothed her. I kissed her cheek then she asked me to kiss her other cheek, too. I thought maybe she’d change her mind as Ethan did once he caught a whiff of me but not only did she receive my kiss, she then kissed me on the one side of my forehead, then the other side and then she kissed my nose. Finally, she kissed

my chin and smiled at me. I was so taken aback by her gesture that I thanked her because it really touched me and I was so GRATEFUL. I know it may not sound like much but back when my mother wasn’t ill, she used to just sniff me, instead of kiss me. In one of her rare lucid moments, she actually, truly, kissed me (not once, but four times!). It was such a blessing.

My mother reminded me of our God. In our ugliness and stinky, dirty state because of our sins, He still takes us and incomprehensibly loves us and lavishes us with His kisses. What a God He is, the maker of the universe, lowering Himself to our level just so we could feel His love. Thank you, Papa God. =)

I will bless the Lord at all times...

Psalm 34:1

New Provisions

Yesterday, 15 year old Eli thanked God for where we’re currently living. In his prayer, he said it was comfortable and nice to be here. I’d have to agree. The Lord has been too kind. It was also right after our National Director (who happened to live below us), without our asking, installed an air conditioning unit on one of the windows in the living room area. If there was one thing to complain about, the heat might have been it, but that was quickly rectified by the gesture and service. Because it was him who did it, it all the more brought home the message of not just a giving, but a serving God (like Jesus). Thank you, Papa God. We are in a two-bedroom, long and spacious apartment. Both Evan (on a mattress) and Eli (on the couch) sleep in the living room but neither seems to mind it. We are grateful and content. There are times when the bathroom (there’s only one) literally has a line up from any few of us six but we have kept the tempers down and are living in harmony.

This brings me to the next provision which is a place to go to for an extended time of prayer. I was able to get away for my usual time of quiet once a month and ended up doing it next door, the actual OMF Guest House. It’s a big, beautiful house with nine rooms that people can stay in. The rooms; instead of numbers, are assigned the following names: Trust, Love, Joy, Peace, Harmony, Praise, Hope, Serendipity, and Tranquility. There have been many times coming back to Toronto where I’d find myself disturbed by the sirens wailing in the city. It’s one of the things I adjust to since we hardly ever hear sirens (from fire trucks, ambulances, or police cars) in Chiang Mai. Here, not two days would go by without hearing it at least once. Sometimes, upwards to three can be heard in a single day! In the past, for the first few days, sirens would jar my peace. In the Mission Home and here, there is such a peace that blocks out all the outside noises. Yes, the noises (and sirens!) are there but like a cloak, I remain unperturbed because of the peace that shrouds me. I stayed there to pray and it felt just right. The cost for OMF members to stay is $8.75 per day with breakfast so it is VERY affordable. It also had a piano which I was able to play, making the place perfect for me. I initially asked to stay in the Trust room as I thought it was where I spiritually needed to be. I was assigned to the Harmony room instead and as I prayed, I sensed that it was what the Lord was going to do in our family. Harmony somehow eluded us several times in Chiang Mai but it’s a gift the Lord is giving us this season. Yes, Lord!

Lastly, I’d like to write about the 2003 Pontiac Montana van that the Lord provided us with. We’ve been able to drive it around for a week now and it is surely fitting our needs. Our sons had claimed their seats and are in process of finding out how to use the DVD player. It has automatic sliding side doors, power windows and locks, and with the push of some switches can move the driver’s seat up, down, forward or back. It is super cool for the price of $3,250.00. The Lord is good and greatly to be praised. I’m sure I’ll have much to write about in the days to come. =)