Monday, March 5, 2012

Dreaming Big, Part 2

What love is this that you gave your life for me?
And made a way for me to know you…

From the song “What Love is This?”

by Kari Jobe, Mia Fieldes, and Lincoln Brewster
I kept my second dream a secret. It was something I prayed to God about and told no one. I knew it wasn’t wrong but I was embarrassed to even ask the Lord for it. It’s because it wasn’t like I was dying or sick. What I wanted was something I could already do. I just wanted the miracle, the convenience, the amazing ability to see without glasses. I started wearing glasses when I was about 18 years old so I’d been using it for over 30 years. Maybe I felt around and couldn't find my glasses, my glasses fogged up again, or I just discovered I used conditioner mistaking it for shampoo. I can’t remember anymore when I first wished it. All I’m sure about is that it’d always been my impossible dream.

When I thought of my dreams early this year, I remembered my dream to see unaided. As I thought it, Eng (from nowhere) asked me whether I preferred a fancy gadget, or for my eyes to undergo laser so I could see well. We had a special anniversary to celebrate so I figured it was why he asked. I still don’t know his reason for asking. I was just surprised at my reaction. I definitely wanted to get the laser treatment! Still, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I didn’t know how much it was and what if I wasn’t even eligible? What if he wasn’t even serious?

He encouraged me to get a free consultation so I did. I found out I was eligible but I thought the cost was more than what Eng would want to pay. I also couldn’t justify it. Why should the money be spent on me and not on missions, our sons’ needs, or the poor's' needs? I thought it was better to give up the dream, use the funds for any of the above, than to have Eng sadly say “no” to me. Although I really wanted the treatment, I told him I‘d rather not because the money was better spent on what mattered more than my convenience or desires. Unknown to him, I also had a tearful talk with Papa God where I asked Him to please help me receive if He wanted to heal my eyes through laser and to literally provide some funds should Eng miraculously agree to my doing it. Eng being wise said if he had money to spend, he wouldn't give it to missions nor the poor if God didn’t tell him to do so. He said I didn’t believe I was worth it for God to bless me. He insisted instead that I get it done - miracle # 1. =D

I was ecstatic but I asked him if we could pray for affirmation that what we were doing was right. When we prayed together that Friday afternoon, we specifically asked that money come our way. On Monday morning, my mouth dropped open when I opened a letter addressed to me with a cheque enclosed in it. It wasn’t for our support; it was just a gift to help with our living here. Miracle # 2 was all I needed! =)

Today, I can see without my glasses. Miracle # 3 happened through laser.

In Niagara Falls last week, I feasted my eyes on the beauty of raging water. No glasses fogged up and I could see in spite the mists. It would have been impossible to enjoy the falls up close for as long as I did with glasses on. Then again, impossibilities and magnanimous love is what God is about. I SEE, Lord, my eyes and my heart see. Thank you, from every part of me.

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