Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Worth Far More than Rubies

She is worth far more than rubies.
Proverbs 31:10b
I probably wouldn’t have written on worth except that I received an email over the week-end and it talked about how women in general underestimate their value, their worth. It said women have vital things to say and everything to give but they forget their worth.

I can’t say that I’ve forgotten my worth nor underestimated it but I certainly didn’t feel worthy of even buying myself M&Ms (with peanuts!) up until a few weeks ago. Just before the year ended I discovered how unworthy I felt and so began prayers on why I thought like that. I felt unworthy of anything expensive, sometimes unworthy of anything new, unworthy of anything that isn't a need.

What exactly brought this kind of thinking is still a mystery but my prayer is that it gets resolved soon. I’m part of a Theophostic Prayer Ministry group and it is an excellent topic to delve into. I’m looking forward to being prayed for regarding it.

Being my spouse, Eng had admitted and repented to being partly the reason why I felt unworthy. I accepted his apology and forgave him but he still magnanimously responded by giving me money with one stipulation that I was to spend it on no one but myself. SWEET! =)

My thoughts ran amuck as I considered various ways to pamper myself. I bought myself packages of M&Ms and soon booked myself to a half day in a spa! Still, I had more money and certainly had more ideas of how to spend it. I’d probably still be spending it now except that we were attending a wedding and in my desire to accessorize myself, my friend helped me buy jewelry and that’s where the rest of the money went. I bought jewelry and wiped out my short lived “you are worth it” account.

I must add that I struggled and prayed as I bought. I asked Papa God, “Is this wise? How about all the shopping I wanted to do?” But like the extravagant father that He is, it seemed like He just chuckled and smiled while knowingly nodding. Then, like His audible voice, my friend said the jewelry reminded her of the verse above. I honestly stared at her blankly because I READ Proverbs 31 just that very morning! I knew the verse she meant! It was a set up! It was for my healing. I AM worth far more than rubies. I am worth it.

Later, I realized that spending my money on jewelry was the best way I could have used it. Clothing, food, more pampering, etc., and the memories of them, would have all dissolved years from now. Not what I got, it will outlive me and can be passed on to a future daughter-in-law or grandchild, for generations. AND, it will be a constant reminder of my worth (each owner's worth). I am worth even more than it. I AM WORTH IT.

And you know what, so are you.

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