Sunday, February 5, 2012

All is Grace

Give thanks in all circumstances,
For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Since reading Ann Voskamp’s book, “One Thousand Gifts”, I had seen the phrase “All is Grace” on another occasion. I was at a book store and it was the title of a book. Quickly perusing the cover page, I gathered that the author experienced some kind of oppression and hardship while in prison. It’s hard to imagine but I can guess that in spite the physical, emotional, and possibly spiritual abuse he received, he probably concluded (Was it right at the end? Was it while he was in prison?) that everything was grace. I don’t know since I didn’t read that book. However, he’s probably in the same place where Ann is, a place of seeing everything that happens, good and unpleasant, as grace. I agree with her question although I’m probably not wording it the same way, ``Does God ever do anything that isn’t good?”

I’ve been trying to see deeply and I’m happy to state that unwrapping my gifts daily is a happy preoccupation for me. I look forward to being quiet and mentally going through my day, listing what I’m grateful for. Sometimes, I list the gift as I see it. A lot of times, I say the gift aloud so I won’t forget, mentally noting what I should write later on. Oh yes, if I'm not making sense, please read the “Unwrapping Gifts” post (on January 15, 2012) before continuing. As insinuated there, it is so easy to thank for wonderful sightings or heart tugging moments. What’s a real challenge for me is when awful or sad situations occur. As an example, my cousin’s 57 year old husband died suddenly. In her grief, I wonder if she’ll agree that his death is grace.

I had an argument with Eng the other day and my heart became negative towards him. Still, I had the presence of mind to look for something to thank God for in our situation. In the next moment, I was grateful for his life. He’s a blessing to us in various ways! I was really glad he’s alive.

That one was easy. My next argument happened with my son over lunch in a restaurant. I know I tried to maintain a calm voice (since we were in a restaurant!) but he talked to me in a disrespectful loud voice, and with accusing and scathing words. Twice, he said our conversation was stupid. Eng said he was about to leave on a trip and our heated discussion was making his heart feel heavy. I knew it was his way of making us stop. We persisted, anyway. Needless to say, I was angry, hurt, and insulted. By the time our son decided he was tired of talking and just wanted to wait for us in the van, I was in tears. I didn’t know how to fix our situation. All I could feel was his hatred and his disgust towards me. I felt so hopeless. Why did we have to relate that way? I felt like a failure as a mother and because I didn't listen to Eng, a rebellious wife, too. Why couldn’t I handle it better? Yet in all that, a thought struck me, yes, all is lost and hopeless, but not for God. Somehow, He can fix us and help us, and turn our situation around for good. I don’t know how but He surely can and I knew He would. I felt a little better as we went home.

I began to wonder though, how was that grace? What kind of gift was that? How do I unwrap what I couldn’t see as a gift? I was stumped in coming up with an answer. I thought and thought but got nothing! I realize now that with my heart so distressed, I couldn’t understand. It took so long to get it. After midnight, I suddenly realized it and almost shouted, “I got it!”

262. better understanding because of conflict
It is necessary to have conflict sometimes to identify issues, especially the buried ones. Without conflict, the issues don't usually surface or get talked about. Without that argument, I wouldn’t understand my son better. Because of it, I know him more; what hurts him and what angers him. And since that time, that son and I apologized to one another. He also told me that he loved me. We fought and yet are wiser because of it.

Thank you, Lord, for your gifts of lessons and lessons learned. No matter how long it takes, please help us to see the uneasily recognized grace, the disguised ones, that you allow to happen in our lives. Please help us to really see your gifts for what they are and to remember always, all is grace.

No comments:

Post a Comment